Now, Then, Forever
by Faulty Paragon
Summary: Cloud watches Aerith and Zack fall in love and build their own lives, supporting them whenever he can with a smile - not a genuine one, but he tries his best to fake it while watching his first love embrace another. AU onesided Clerith, Zaerith.


A/N: An old story of mine I fit for these guys - not for Cloud as much as Zack and Aerith. I adore those two far too much... Enjoy!

* * *

**Now, Then, Forever**

"I've got to tell you something after graduation. Wait by the gate, okay?" The words are quiet, barely audible, as the speaker digs the toe of his right shoe into the dirt awkwardly, avoiding her inquisitive gaze.

The girl giggles, slinging an arm around his hunched shoulders. "Cloud, what is it?" Her voice is teasing, as she jokingly pokes his nose, resting her head upon his broad shoulder. "You look so down. Cheer up, okay? We're graduating!"

The aroma of flowers tickles his nose, her hair giving off the scent of her family's shop by the church, and her long brunette bangs brush his arm. Cloud Strife smiles softly at the touch, revelling for a moment in the warmth that blazes in his left side from the contact, the light radiating from her smile enough to melt his insecurities away. "Yeah. It's been a long time, hasn't it?"

"Of course!" She nods enthusiastically, but before he knows it, she lets him go, the heat ebbing away almost instantly as he watches her run to the newest addition to their little group. "Zack, over here!"

Aerith Gainsborough loves Zack Fair with all her heart, Cloud knows that much – she's the type to dedicate her entire being into loving a person. And, as Aerith's best friend since practically birth, Cloud understands more than anyone that nothing is going to sway her heart.

Not even Cloud's secret love for her himself.

He can understand why she loves Zack so much – he's a great guy, full of charm, wit, and that strange brand of sweetness which Aerith just can't seem to resist. The pair look great together, too – Zack's proud, heroic frame, and her petite, fiery one look like a match made in heaven. Although Cloud's heart personally thinks that he himself is a better fit in every way for the girl, he is stuck not being able to say anything to the lovers.

However, Cloud was the one who had always been by her side. He loves her, and has loved her ever since that first day of high school, when she finally had finished going through puberty and he realized for the first time how beautiful her smile really is. It was a strange feeling, knowing that the toddler he had grown up with turned into a beautiful young woman, but it was nice. It felt right back then, and still feels _right_ now.

Somehow, Zack managed to swoop in and steal her away. All because of Cloud's indecisiveness.

So, after months of deliberating on the topic, he's finally decided – after their graduation ceremony that morning, he'll tell her how he feels. Whether or not his heart is accepted is something that only fate can decide, and Cloud is willing to see how life plays out for him. Most likely, Aerith will be heartbroken that her friend is suffering alone, but she will say no. If that happens, then all he can do is leave her life forever. It isn't what he wants to do at all, but leaving everything behind is the only way he can think of to get over the girl he's practically lived with all his life.

Zack waves and laughs when Aerith runs and throws her arms excitedly around his neck. "Are you ready to get your gown and go to the ceremony?" she asks affectionately, nuzzling her petite nose into the crook of his neck. He laughs, ticklish, and strokes her back lovingly as he waves Cloud over.

"Of course I am. You ready, bro?" he chuckles, raising his free hand to bump fists with his best friend. Cloud smiles that same strained smile he's worn for the last two years whenever he saw his two best friends holding each other that way.

Why does the girl he love have to be in love with his best friend?

There is nothing he can do about it, though – so, Cloud grins and slings his arms over their shoulders, guiding them towards the school. "Of to graduate, we go! Let's mosey on out!" The trio laughs and stumbles their way almost drunkenly inside, with Cloud in the center, trying to ignore the sinking heart which is crying in pain behind his mask of happiness.

The ceremony passes by in a blur, and they all graduate. Pictures are taken, the diplomas and caps displayed proudly. They've done it – it was a long, long journey, but they are all done with school, heading off to college in the fall. It's an amazing feeling, Cloud has to admit – no other moment in his relatively short lifespan could have made him prouder than when the principal shakes his hand and congratulates him with all his heart.

Yet, as the crowd trickles away, the doubt and anxiety rises again like bile in Cloud's throat. He heads outside of the foyer of the building, clutching the letter which had been in his back pocket for the entire ceremony tightly in his hand. It doesn't really matter to him that the sky is unusually blue that day, or that the birds are singing, even though it is in the middle of February.

All he can think about is the girl he loves, as he walks out of the gate, so absorbed in his thoughts that he completely misses Aerith calling him to stop from behind. He's so far deep that he doesn't even realize that he's stepped off of the sidewalk, and by the time that he sees the huge truck, it's honking at him and his eyes are wide and he's frozen in shock and then the ensuing bang _actually happens_.

The ground is warm, warm from the sun heating up the pavement as the afternoon turns into evening, but Cloud feels cold. It's the only thing he can feel, other than disappointment as he sees the letter which contained his feelings lying by his face, completely ruined and drenched like his blond spikes in his own blood. Wait, he's bleeding – _Is that why it's so cold?_ The poor boy is shaking, confused as to why he can't move from that position. He can faintly hear Aerith's agonized cries, and when he does, he wants to comfort her, to tell her that she'll be alright, but his hearing goes right before his sight fades into darkness, and then it's just quiet.

He doesn't like the quiet. It's just so lonely.

* * *

Cloud gets sick of the hospital faster than he once thought possible. After all, Aerith isn't there. For the first few days, the girl had been so distraught, she had barely left his side – so, even though his body is in pain from the cracked ribs, fractured leg and bandaged-swathed head, he is glad that at least, she is still by his side.

Yet, Zack quickly becomes worried about the two of them. Aerith doesn't eat for a few days, no matter how much Cloud insists and worries about her, so Zack eventually decides to bring her home. "It'll do you good to take a break," he reasons with the stubborn girl. "You'll be able to come back in a few days. Let Cloud rest."

After much contemplation, Aerith finally agrees, and hand in hand the couple leaves Cloud behind. Seeing their intertwined fingers is almost more painful than his injuries – almost. But, he's used to it by now – he knows that he's not meant to be with her. His confession, if it had carried on, would have ended his long-time friendship with Aerith most likely, because Cloud knows that she's off limits. She and Zack are too far along to turn back now.

Watching them together, though, Cloud understands that just as they are, he's too far along to turn back too. And it breaks his heart, knowing that he was the reason that she cried so much for the last few days.

* * *

All of his injuries take a long time to recover from. Aerith's visits, although once frequent, become increasingly sparse as she enters university with Zack and without him. They were accepted into the same school, so Cloud has to suffer with the knowledge that they are spending each day together. It sickens him to the core, but instead of saying anything, he continues to passively sit back and smile, watching over the two like a fraud.

He feels like a fraud, for sure – he pretends to bless them, while wishing during every moment of the day that he could be in Zack's place. If it hadn't been him to get injured, maybe Aerith would have begun to love him instead.

It is a farfetched idea, but it is one he can't help but to ponder.

Yet, after he is finally released from the hospital, he doesn't know what to do anymore. It's too late to enroll into the current semester, so he has to wait for another few months before even applying. To fill the gap, he finds work in the place he never thought possible – media design. Being the grunt worker in an office of snooty graphic artists doesn't make him a lot of money, but it's enough to move out of his parents' home and away from Aerith and Zack.

By that point, he's already given up.

The semester finally ends, and the next one begins, taking him along with it. He doesn't apply to Aerith's school – seeing her around the campus with Zack would be far too awkward. The couple had been dating since their first year of high school, and he didn't want to have to see them anymore.

Before he knows, he is swept up into a flurry of schoolwork, parties, and new people, giving him little to no chance to even think about the girl who made his heart race for almost five years of his life. Dating is something he gives a shot, but whenever his lips meet someone else's, all he can think is "Would her lips feel the same?"

The image of her in his memories is irresistible.

Graduation comes and goes in a flash, and he's hired as an artist himself in a marketing group after showcasing his talent during a competition in his final year. It took a lot of luck, and he knows it – nevertheless, he's proud of it. Yet, the weekend after his graduation, there is no happiness in his eyes as he gets a text message from a familiar number, and is asked to meet his old best friends at a nearby bar.

No matter how much he doesn't want to go, Cloud forces himself to anyways. Even if Zack had stolen the girl he had loved forever, they were both his precious friends, and he hadn't seen either since his release from the hospital. It's high time to be reunited, at least for a little while.

Unfortunately, that meeting all goes downhill. From the moment he lays eyes upon Aerith, with her long, neatly braided hair, smiling eyes and welcoming expression, he knows that all the effort he made to forget the sweet girl had gone to waste. She has shoved her way back into his heart in one breath only.

Zack looks good as well – in fact, as they shake hands and give each other a hug after all those years apart, he looks as if he is glowing. The reason mystifies Cloud, but after a moment of silent drinking, the man finally explains what is going on. "We're getting married, and we wanted you to be the best man."

"I wanted you to be my bridesmaid, because I've known you longer, but we both decided that you wouldn't look that great in a bridesmaid's dress," Aerith adds, snickering at the image she painted for the three of them.

Cloud smiles weakly, murmuring his congratulations and offering a toast to the lovely couple who is so deeply in love, there's absolutely no place for him anymore. No longer are they a high school trio – they are a man and woman in love, and the one who has overseen them from the beginning.

It breaks Cloud's heart, crushing his hopes, and by the end of the night, after the couple leaves, he's so drunk he can barely stand in his sobbing stupor. He just wants it all to go away, it all to end, so that he doesn't have to suffer the pain anymore.

Her lips were so close to him, and yet, they turned to kiss Zack. _What would it be like if I just stole her from him? Would they hate me?_

He knows they would, so he just drinks more because of the feelings he can't control.

* * *

Preparations for the wedding are both traumatizing and nostalgic. It has been a while since the three of them were together so much – because he's the best man, they insist on asking for his opinions on everything from the flowers to the food to the dress itself.

_She should be wearing that dress for me, _he can't help but think in awe as he watches her talk to the bridal boutique's owner animatedly, clad in a strapless, stunning white dress, the train short and elegant. _I should be walking down the aisle with her._

Unfortunately, there's nothing he can possibly do, so he simply smiles and does the best he can not to lose it.

The wedding sneaks up on them. He wakes up early that day, not to get ready – no, he goes to their high school and stands in front of the gates, hands in his pockets and expression wistful. If he had confessed to her that day instead of having to suffer the accident, would it have been different now?

He can't seem to answer the question, no matter how much he thinks.

His eyes are in a daze until he suddenly finds himself in the church hall, watching Aerith walking down the aisle with her head held high and elegant dress flowing behind her gently. She's the most beautiful thing the man has ever seen, and he knows that after this day, he has to say goodbye once and for all, or he's going to go insane.

She smiles at him, ecstatic to be sharing this moment with her best friend from childhood, and he smiles gently back, a part of him happy that she's happy. She's more important than anything, after all.

They kiss. Cloud looks away.

The reception is lively, bustling with congratulations and cheers filling the air. Cloud escapes the hustle and hides in the bathroom for a good twenty minutes before his speech, reading over the letter he had rewritten from his graduation day in high school. Finally, he comes out, gives his speech – full of embarrassing moments of the newly married couple, of course – and walks out, wanting to run away from the adoring looks sent towards the lovers.

"Cloud, where are you going?"

The man isn't expecting her to follow him out, but despite his better judgement, he turns around and answers her call anyways. "I've got to leave."

She frowns, clearly upset. "It's my wedding day. Don't you think you can stay a bit longer?"

Yet, as she speaks, all he can see are her lips moving, soft, a nude pink, taunting him. He knows that this is the only chance to do what he's wanted to do for years, the last chance. So before he can think twice and doubt himself, before he can scold himself for wanting to do something so improper to a married woman, he leans in and plants a gentle, loving kiss upon her lips, letting her know of every single pent-up feeling within his heart in that one brief moment of contact. Yet, for the pair, it feels like an eternity before he lets go, slips the letter into her hand, and walks away.

She is married, he kissed her, and he no longer has any right to love her.

* * *

He doesn't speak to them afterwards, avoiding their calls like the plague. He doesn't mean to hurt either of them – they're both so, so precious to him – but he knows that cutting them out is for the best.

It all changes when he sees that letter awaiting his return in his mailbox. It isn't marked with a sender, but he knows in his heart who sent it – he can recognize her messy scrawl anywhere. Even though he knows that he shouldn't look at it, he can't help himself. Ripping open the top, he pulls out a single sheet of lined paper addressed to him.

Taking a deep breath, he sits down upon his bed and begins to read. As the letter progresses, his eyes grow increasingly wet, his hand clutching his chest as if that can stop his heart from falling to pieces. The entire message is a blur, save for that one paragraph:

_'I loved you all through middle school, but you showed no interest – so, when Zack asked me out, I said yes since I didn't have any hopes of being with you. Had I known that you felt the same way, I would have stayed by your side no matter what. Ever since the day of the wedding, I can't look Zack in the eye, knowing that I… that I still might love you.'_

It's no surprise that the following line explains why neither of them should see each other anymore – it isn't fair to anyone. Especially Zack. And Cloud understands what she's saying – Zack was like a brother to him in high school, despite his relationship with Aerith. He can't help but care about and want to protect the other man, even though he stole Cloud's only love.

* * *

"You look well."

Cloud is startled in the checkout line at the grocery store, but smiles anyways, the happiness reaching his eyes evidently as they travel to her protruding belly. It's been four years since the letter in the mail, so he understands why it happened. "How far along?"

Aerith smiled. "Five months," she says proudly, a hand affectionately rubbing her belly. "I'm excited." She pauses for a moment before adding, "It's a boy, apparently. We're naming him after you."

His eyes widen, heart touched by that gesture – they are still thinking about him, even after all those years. "I'm honoured," he confesses honestly.

She waves his gratitude away. "Please, we wanted a little chocobo like you, what can we say?" Her gaze softens as she reaches out to touch his cheek, eyes speaking volumes to him.

_I still love you, but I love him too._

He grabs her hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze, eyes replying gently. _I still love you too. _They travel down to her lips, those sweet, sweet lips of hers that he could only taste for but one second. He wants to plant a kiss upon her lips, but he knows he shouldn't – so, he simply gives her a kiss upon her cheek before walking away, leaving the pregnant woman behind at the counter of that little grocer.

As he leaves the building with goods in hand, a voice calls, "Cloud!"

He spins on his heel and sees her standing outside, waving to him to come back and speak to her for longer. He knows that she wants to catch up – how has he been? Is he eating well? Is he sleeping alright? Is he lonely?

A hand which grabs onto his takes his attention away from his first love, however, as Tifa smiles brightly at him, her own shopping bag in the other hand. "You ready to go home?" she asks brightly, excited to go home to their apartment. Her smiling eyes are twinkling, her lower lip jutting out slightly in a cute pout, fair skin shining in the summer light.

Cloud laughs at her slight impatience before turning back to Aerith, who has now seen the new woman in Cloud's life. With a knowing smile, he tells her silently, _I still love you too, but I'm not alone anymore. I'm alright._

Aerith feels a smile tug at her lips in relief at the sight of Cloud walk away with the other girl. _He's grown up, _she realizes happily, setting off on her own path. _He's moved on. I'm happy for him. _

Although they weren't together, they both understood it silently – that kiss they shared the day of her wedding wasn't supposed to have happened. So, all they can do is pray for each other, pray that they would never hurt the same way, and pray for happiness.

Maybe Cloud would be able to be little Cloud's godfather. _Yeah. I'd like that._


End file.
